So a couple weeks ago I was listening to a lady (that is a wonderful person) tell me about her son that is an addict – pills are the problem for him. Another lady a couple days before tell me about the sadness she had with her daughter’s addiction – she thinks it was pot, though her daughter lives a thousand miles from her, she really wasn’t sure.
We were all sitting in a bar. We were all drinking the drug we chose, which was booze. What made us different from the kids? Both ladies are smokers and cannot kick that. This is not a statement of judgment on either of them but in my night time shake fest I wondered if we were drugging ourselves, just with something different than those kids were. If you cannot put something down and not have any withdrawals, me in my small minded brain cannot help but wonder if we all have our poison just not the same one?
We have all heard it. All the cliches from folks fighting the struggle of addiction, whether it be smoking, alcohol, food, depression or whatever brings you here to read my posts. A couple examples of the words we have all heard could be like: 12 Steps, Higher Power, you get my drift.
So I am FINALLY deciding that I am on the journey the journey to LIVE and not let my emotions and whatever else control me. This is all new to me I must say. I come from a long line of “party girls.” My friends, some family members many of them can control their urges and I am finally realizing that I cannot control mine on some days. I am in a profession with Martini’s and Manhattans are part of a social structure. Though the laws of “Drinking and Driving,” OUI, DWI whatever you want to call it helps keep some reality in the picture even when you wish it wasn’t.
Alcohol is like a bad boyfriend to me. I always gravitated toward those. Loved the naughty boys and I must say I still do. But as I get older I really need to figure my life out. I cannot say this happened fast – though the journey to waking up with the shakes certainly seemed to. The nights are sleepless and the mornings are worse. Sometimes I lie in bed and ask for strength to not get up and get a class of wine to ease the withdrawals. When I don’t or even better when I sleep the whole night I feel like I have won a battle – a small one maybe but anything in the “W” column is better than not.
So here I am, on the journey. Say what you like but it is my journey – some of it I do not understand but it is up to me to understand it and do something with it. If you would like to come back and visit that would be great but be kind and respectful please. We are all human beings and we are all trying to get through this life and for some of us it is “One Day At a Time.