I wish I could tell you there was a method to my madness but pretty much my first day comprised of pure madness. No drinking but the shaking and sweating went on. And of course like many days before that, I didn’t feel like eating much.
After my first AA Meeting, I received the schedule I went home. My mind was bouncing all over the place. Everything in CAPITAL LETTERS and !!! – if you have ever been there you know what I mean. I didn’t know what to do next.
I am not much of a praying person. Or at least not in the traditional “Get Down On My Knees” type. I really want to believe in something greater than me but it is not important what that thing may be – Male, Female or Plant, I do need to think that there is something greater than all of us. Mostly because most of our soothsayers aren’t very bright and our politicians with all the power to decide someone’s or even a whole country fate certainly cannot be “the best we got!” At least I hope not.
After I got home (it was early in the morning – 9ish), my man was getting ready to leave for the day and I was trying to decide if I tell him or not. It wasn’t a matter of IF I would tell him it was a matter of “When would be the RIGHT time?”
I followed him out to his car (which wasn’t normal) and threw my hands around his neck and whispered in his ear, “I am going to AA.” I heard him sniff and his voice crack. He said, “Oh Baby, I am so glad I have been so worried about you. Let me know how I can support you. ”
What A Relief
I said, ” I just need you to know that I will be going to alot of AA Meetings and I will tell you when I go. I probably am going to go to one at noon today in town.”
He said, “Whatever you need, I will do whatever you need.”
I knew he meant it. It made me wonder just how far to the brink I had pushed him. Was he ready to throw me out with the rest of the trash? I can’t say that I would blame him. Not in the least. If I could have thrown myself out, I would have.
So Noontime came and I was at a church downtown listening again to several folks confess their sins to everyone. This group was quite large and there was a bunch younger folks introducing themselves as “My name is _______________, I am an Alcoholic/Addict.” Probably more combos than just