So yesterday was the pits. If you read my post you will see it all over the screen. I guess the worst part about it is, I cannot put my finger on why I felt so helpless. But I made some calls and not to my sponsor.
The Little Things
When I was drinking, the feelings I felt yesterday would certainly have prompted me to “have a drink and forget about it.” I didn’t drink. That is a WIN. I am happy about that. There was a person that reached out to me from AA with lots of sobriety under their belt. Someone that when we first met, we connected. I looked forward to the times I would see him at meetings and even go to a meeting if I thought he would be there. He isn’t the whiney type, he is supportive but he also seems to have a 6th sense about him, perceptive and experienced in dealing with feelings that newcomers have trouble sorting out. He sent me a note to check up on me because he had a feeling…
I’m not drinking anymore, so I am not isolating anymore, right? One of the things I have mentioned to people that my most challenging hurdle today is the isolation of the newly sobering individual that has a bunch of partying friends that are dangerous to the goal. MY goal of not drinking. It is not their problem, it is mine. Hanging out with these old friends are a no-fly zone for me and an hour of daily “fellowship” at an AA Meeting isn’t “cuttin’ it” for the person like me that is very people centric. I work virtually much of the time, so my computer, my dogs and the UPS guy may be “it” for me other than my hour of AA in the morning. So I am realizing that I am lonely. As lonely, (if not worse), as I was when I was drinking. The difference here is, I am not wondering where I have hidden the bottles or needing to go to the store to “restock.” I also am not going out for lunch or after work and yucking it up with my friends over a few beers.
Yes, Yes I Know
Thank you to my friends that have supported me on the phone or with a hug. Thank you to the emails that I have received. As weird as it may sound, even though the emails are from COMPLETE STRANGERS, your battle is the same as mine and I appreciate your encouragement without expectation of anything in return. It is a miracle. Yes I believe the Higher Power is working for all of us and I sure am asking for help. It is today and only today. I can get through it. We can get through it (she says with a humble smile.)