Calm Before the Storm

Earlier this week, I found myself in a very contented place.  My head was clear and my heart was light.  I was even singing my way to a meeting.

The Music Stopped

Yesterday started like every other day.  I have been sleeping alot better than I was just a few weeks ago.  You see, before I quit drinking my sleeping was just horrendous.  I would sleep for a couple hours, wake up and have am impossible time getting back to sleep.  My friends said it was menopause, I would be sweating in the night and my head was turning ’round and ’round, I couldn’t get back to sleep. Then of course I started having a little “something” to help me get back to sleep.    My earlier blog posts (linked above) address this whole situation.  Anyway, I slept through the night, it was a cool morning, I got up, did my normal routine, went to the early meeting.  Felt okay.  It had occurred to me the day before yesterday that I was wandering around in euphoria.  Just happy about everything and took everything that came my way with a smile.  That wasn’t yesterday.

Got Down To Business

Went to work, no big blow ups, worked on a project with a workmate and that went well too.  But as the afternoon rolled on I started feeling deflated for some reason.  I then unpacked some boxes (I moved a while ago.)  Opened up some boxes and there was my past. Photos of happy times with my then husband.  Photos of me with my dogs, times before alcohol started running my life.  My face was so free of the pain and of course it was younger then.  I stacked up the photos and put them aside but my heart had sunk and I was sad.  Like really sad.  Remorseful actually.

Alcohol Was My “Drug of Choice”

One of my favorite saying is “Everyone Has their own SH*T!”  And we do.  Living isn’t easy, LIFE isn’t easy.  There isn’t one person that has the same life as the next one.  As I had experiences, good and bad, I dealt with them.  As life went on, my dealing it was choosing alcohol to dull the pain.  And that means that I wasn’t dealing with anything.  I was just postponing my feelings, the situation and sometimes things work out, other times things piled up and I really didn’t notice, because I would have booze on board or not far away.

Rubber Meets the Road

So the time is now.  Almost 2 months sober and I have reality knocking. These feelings  happened 3 days ago (I started this post yesterday) and just now, 3 meetings later,  today I am figuring it out!  Now that I understand WHY I am sad, then I will deal with it, without the booze.  At least so far!  But I am going for today.  Another day sober and it is another FRIDAY.  Oh yeah!

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