Four Legged Friends

All my life I have had dogs.  When no one else understood me, I was sad or frightened my dog(s) was there.  Of course there were several over the years and I always felt they knew they could count on me too…until I got sober.

One thing I DO know

Animals have to count on survival and serious gut instincts.  Even in the safest most loving homes, they sense things in an unabashed way with no care for complicating things.  I also believe that animals can be aware of “spirits” when we, because perhaps our belief system wont allow for that.  We don’t want people to think we are crazy, so we seldom admit or even notice the small things that the spirit world may be doing right underneath our noses.  For those that do believe there “could” be spirits around as I do, alcohol may have dulled the opportunity for communication or recognition of their existence.

Hadn’t Even Slept Over

I was taking photos of the house (circa 1790) for insurance purposes, the house was unheated and had been vacant for 3 years.  It was obvious to me, even in my constant buzz state of mind that there was a feeling of “not being alone” when I was there.  When I was taking a series of photos, one had an odd cloud in it that I could not explain.  If I can find it, I will post it.  It was to the entrance of the stairs to the attic.  When I took another photo, it was gone.  These were photos taken from my phone.  Weeks passed and we were moving in.

Alone With the Dogs

Two days after we moved in and slept at the house, my significant other went on his annual fishing trip.  This meant a straight week of constant drinking for me without anyone keeping track of where I was, how much I was drinking, how much I worked, how much I was home.  What it meant was, stocking up on booze and staying in.  Not much sleeping and I could justify it because, “I was nervous being home alone for the first time.”  I think I slept about 2 hours every night… maybe.  The first night, I was passed out in bed and was awakened by my dog Sam, barking.  I am not sure how much vodka I had consumed but it certainly was enough for me to be in a worse fog than usual, when I staggered around in the middle of the night toward my dog, who was whining and barking while looking into the guest bedroom.

Sober or Not, Here we come!

Many odd but benign things have happened since we moved in.  I think when I was drinking, I missed many of them.  But none of them are bad or scary, they just are.  The dogs feel them and some times they react to them and some times I feel “some thing.”  Just not sure what.

My Dogs Stopped Liking Me

I am not sure when it happened, but my dogs started distancing themselves from me.  Instead of hanging out with me when I dress, just be near me when I am working around the house or working at the house.  One dog in particular started looking at me with wide eyes whenever I would get up at night (this would be every night) and I would pour myself a little “Irish Courage” to steady my nerves so I could get back to sleep.  At first when I was up at night, I was up for an hour or so, then it increased to 2 hours, then 3 or 4 and I was drinking the whole time.  Go to sleep with a buzz on, wake up a couple hours later, stressing out and shaking, get up, come down stairs, make a few drinks and Sam would just sit up and watch me, I felt guilty but I did it anyway.  Meanwhile, my significant other snored away upstairs through the whole thing.  This was how the last 8 months were like of my drinking.  Every day and night was Groundhog day and my dog was unimpressed.

Looking Back

My dogs have reacted to my sobriety and who knew that would happen?  They are much more relaxed around me and want to be with me.  Just tonight, I looked down and one of them, Sam(of course)  had his paw on my foot.  As the weeks go by, they get closer to me and I let them.  I don’t bug them by forcing them to cuddle more than they may want to, I want them to decide that I am safe and they can trust me again.  “Attraction and not promotion…”

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