When I first stopped drinking I felt so horrid that just LIVING through it was all I cared about. I did not go to the hospital, so I don’t want to overstate this but I had no idea how awful alcohol withdrawal could be – I know now that others have had it and have it much worse than I did.
Resisting the “Check Off”
I am learning so much about myself these past few months some days I am drained. I am still working and performing my job duties but there have been days I have flopped into bed at 7:30 at night and slept right through until 5:30 or 6 the next morning. I feel beat but not BEAT UP, which was how it used to be.
Recovery Can Never Be “Checked Off”
My personality defects list includes lack of patience. Lots of times that means I get a job done quickly only to “get it off the list” even though I do it in haste. As far as I am concerned I have it done, I can move on to the next task. Sometimes that rushed thing comes back to haunt me. Living is a journey I guess, people have said that to me before and I never really understood it. Recovery is on “JOURNEY ROAD” for Janis. And some days the road is bumpy and other days the road isn’t so bumpy.
When I was drinking, Journey Road‘s Bridge was washed out. The river underneath where the bridge was, was flowing with vodka. Every day I would wake up and take a swim in the river. Near the end, I would try to wade across without falling in, finally I realized I needed a boat and get out of the river all together. I had to forge that river to get to the other side. When I got to the other side of the river, the first few miles of road were full of potholes, lots of bobbing and weaving. I had to go slowly to get through it without falling back into the puddles or if I went too fast, I would damage myself. I think that is why I get so tired some days.
Me First, Me First
I am now trying to do some things for myself. I used to do alot of things when I was drinking, going to the gym, etc. but my mind was in a different place. I started doing yoga recently, I have someone I exercise with so I can do the things I want to do without pain. It is a date 2x a week and yoga once a week. It finally feels right to take time to do things right instead of just doing things to get them “off the list.” So Journey Road is definitely “Under Construction” for me but I am on it and meeting new friends that join me every day.