As a newcomer to AA, terms like these were completely foreign to me. I had not been in and out of AA like many nor have I had therapy so I did not understand the recovery jargon. Hell, I was shocked that I was sitting in a Homeless Shelter wondering if I had a problem with alcohol, wishing I didn’t, while at the same time, hoping I did.
That first day almost 7 months ago, I am not sure how I got to my first AA Meeting. I mean I drove there. I remember sitting on my couch wishing I were dead, looking for the earliest AA Meeting I could find on my cell phone. I had never walked this path before. A friend (whom I mentioned in this blog in other posts), had looked me up a year before to make amends. That surprise meeting from someone I hadn’t seen in 20 years, changed my life. It got me thinking. A year later, I decided to see if AA was something that could help my mixed up head and life. In the coming months I learned that so many people around me had gone to rehab or several rehabs. I probably should have too but I was so ashamed I was going to push myself to go it alone with the people of AA. I felt awful. I felt awful for a while but I say this because so much of the first few months are a blur now. I know that by looking back at my entries in this blog I can recall a lot more because this blog is here than if I hadn’t written it. So physically and mentally I felt a jumbled mess.
People in AA don’t think they are “code,” and now I understand the words too. One of the first terms of “Taking Another’s Inventory” was a term I had no idea what it meant. Being a business person I had an idea what the word “Inventory” was. But in regard to recovery, I had no clue.
As I work through The Steps, I learned about my inventory, then the light went on. I understood what my inventory was. I wrote it down. I thought about it. I wrote down some more and thought about it some more. So I got to the point at being pretty intimate with my “fearless, moral inventory.”
Once I worked through my inventory, I really knew the possibility of me as a person, to turn the tables on someone else without taking any ownership of their actions. What my actions may be in any given situation. And if I have nothing to do with it, then I need to stay out of it. And NOT take someone else’s inventory.
Some days it’s easier than others but it is after all, “One Day At A TIme.”