I know there are tons of words in the recovery and mental health game. I know that they are real. I know that still many people use things as crutches or blame their situations with choices they make onto others. As an alcoholic it is how we think.
The Blame Game
Everyone’s recovery is different. And everyone’s disease effects them in its’ own unique way. As humans in the world, we have our own circumstances. Some of us come from a long line of alcoholism and abuse and still others end up being the only alcoholic in the whole family tree. We are all different.
When I was drinking, I often blamed people for the situations I found myself in. Many of my friends would piss and moan about something someone they knew did or didn’t do and therefore they were angry with them. I don’t mind saying, when I heard others complain about someone we knew, it made me wince knowing how ridiculous this blame game was. It made me think twice when blaming people myself.
Just Another Meeting
The other day one of my AA friends came in to a meeting and I could tell that he had a lot on his mind. While he seemed happy he was hurried and late to the meeting. When it came time for him to share he started down one path and near the end of his share he mentioned (almost in anger) that his wife was partly to blame for his addictions. She enabled him. He said it with such intensity I was surprised. I could feel myself feeling disgusted. Yes, perhaps his wife bought him alcohol. But enabling? C’mon, get real buddy!
I have never looked up the word “enabling” and I am not going to right now because I have a definite opinion about taking responsibility for what I have done to myself. If I was a child and unable to make my own choices or legally able to purchase alcohol then “OK.” BUT to blame a spouse for what is normal buying of alcohol for an adult is a cheap shot. Especially, since the spouse is not an alcoholic. Double cheap shot. How does a non-alcoholic even know what it is like to be dealing with the demons we deal with much less to be blamed for them?
Shouldn’t do it and I did. But I truly love this man as a brother and I needed to get this off my chest. This diatribe happened nearly a week ago and it still makes me angry. So I ask myself, “Why, does this matter to you so deeply to last in your head so long?” I cannot answer that. Once again I need to learn from this and not do it myself. I wonder if my Higher Power is trying to teach me something here?