If you missed the last post, let me give you a quick abstract of it. I just got finished telling you I lost my virginity getting raped by my boyfriend. The post goes into lots more detail but in case you missed it, I wanted this post to at least make sense.
The Good News
…I managed to get back onto the pool deck. The Meet was still droning on and no one seemed to notice that I had been gone. I looked up at the clock and it only been an hour. An hour for my whole life to change and on that evening I had no idea just how much. In other Good News, my event, the event that I was supposed to swim wouldn’t swim until the morning.
Going Through the Motions
We boarded the bus to go back to the hotel and several of my friends were asking why I was so quiet, I made the excuse that I was tired and that seemed to satisfy everyone, After a hot shower and a change of clothes I began to feel a little better even though my thighs were aching as well as everything in between. We all shared rooms (2 double beds meant 4 girls/room) there was no room for tears and I just lost myself in my team mates stories, successes and some tears of their disappointments. We were on a curfew and everyone was pretty tired. We all worked out and many of us, including me had events earlier in the day. I went to sleep on my side just wanting things to be “normal” again.
As I proceeded to the blocks I looked up in the stands and saw my parents and my aunt, plus the normal swim families that were always there to cheer us on. I was not ready for this event. Yet I had trained for months and months. And in one hour, I had thrown it all away. The Backstroke is an event that starts from the water. I tried to clear my mind. I prayed to God for focus and to restore my edge to compete. It was a tough race and as I swam I felt an overwhelming sense of anger explode out of my aching body. I swam like a mad woman. I won. I didn’t break the record that I had wanted to, but I won. Everyone was going crazy. I got out of the water, walked back to the bench, looked up into the stands only to see my boyfriend and his fraternity brothers jumping around and slapping him on the back. Just as I got to the bench my knees buckled and I just started balling. I hadn’t noticed him before the race. I wished I hadn’t seen them after, it was just too much energy and emotion rushing from me.
My team rushed toward me and helped me to the bleachers, I had torn my bathing suit on the corner of one of them, being reminded of the events of the day before. They all were laughing and hugging me and making sure I was okay. One of my friends was massaging my legs. I couldn’t stop crying. After a grueling race, people cry, it was understandable to them why I was. Only you, me and my boyfriend in the stands knew the real reason.
Still More to come only it gets “better”