Maslow had a theory. It was called the hierarchy of needs. And if you have never heard of it, every person in psychology or marketing class discusses it. It is a theory on human behavior. This blog isn’t a discussion on whether the theory it correct or not, though as I work through this life more and more I am observing that somehow I am in that triangle.
I am Living at the Bottom
The bottom of the Maslow’s triangle is Physiological – that means Air, Shelter, Sleep, Water, Food, Sex. If you have ever seen a person in Hospice or a person die, it is amazing to watch the human spirit try and survive. Until its last breath. And I always thought Sex was on this list because of our need to procreate, as a tree dies, it uses all it’s energy to make sure that life goes on when it no longer can, it sprouts saplings and seed pods, cones, etc. It wants it’s species to survive. Since I stopped drinking, lots of things have happened to me as part of recovery. When I was drinking my sleeping patterns were horrendous, I didn’t care much about eating, booze was my water and sex was usually something that happened after drinking and drinking a lot.
The Day the Music Died
I have always loved listening to music. Though I do play an instrument here or there, but blasting music and cleaning the house, cooking or just working has been part of me. In the past couple of years of my drinking, I wasn’t listening to a lot of music. Certainly not singing in my car like I used to do. I would listen to talk radio and get irritated at politics and politicians rather than to enjoy an old favorite Patsy Cline tune. It was as if my feelings for joy had become dulled. Music sometimes irritated me also, even my old favorites.
I remember early in my recovery, people used to talk about sex. I was worrying about making it an hour without drinking and they were talking about sex? They talked about how it effected them and how they may have used it as a weapon with others. As I work the Steps, I learned about some sexual situations in my past that molded my life. I never dealt with them then and as I grew older, sex and other situations like sex were enhanced or covered up by alcohol. Ending up in the wrong bed with the wrong guy, waking up next to someone, taking inventory or my body and wondering, “Shit, did we…?” Or just sneaking out altogether hoping that my companion wouldn’t remember either. Just like music, I stopped enjoying sex and certainly knew nothing about the correlation of sex and love since my marriage broke up in 1999. I believe that Maslow is talking about sex in the way of procreation and not necessarily for pleasure purposes. I am not sure where I am on the sex part. Too old to procreate too young not want to lose my “groove.” Not sure where this fits in with my recovery but it must somewhere.