The More I Search The More Is Revealed

I cannot believe it has been over a month since my last post.  The good news I haven’t had a drink.  The better news is I had lots of challenges to sobriety but honestly I don’t want to drink really.  Now the caffeine and sugar are the next thing I need to think about, but hey considering where I am today compared to 11 months ago, it is pretty amazing.  I have been sorting some things out lately so stay tuned for a tornado of posts coming along.

Seeing My Old Friends 

In a very early post, I mentioned that my best friend passed out at my house when there were some professional women there.  They talked about her like she embarrassed THEM.  Like she was a problem to THEM.  As she laid upstairs, passed out in my bed fully clothed, with her shoes on. It was just about a year ago.  Someone had brought her there because she insisted they do and someone took her home.  It was a horror show.  And it was enough of a mind blower for me that I decided that I didn’t want to do that myself.  I was sick to my stomach knowing that the possibility was there for me to be in her shoes next.  It took me another month but it was then that I decided to go to an AA Meeting.

Two of the people that I spent most of my drinking time with in the end, know that I started going to AA.  One tried to convince me I didn’t need to go, it would pass.  This would be the friend that passed out in my bed.  Another found out from her and slipped one day, saying, “That is about as funny as an AA Meeting.” He knew I wasn’t drinking but a remark like that made me realize that she had told him.  I let the remark go by, but I knew that both of them knew things had changed.  I had changed.

The Last Month

I have had lunch with both of these folks.  Together we all sat at a table, they drank and I didn’t.  Others joined us and the conversation was harmless.  As I looked at the table of people, my girlfriend looked bloated, tired but acted fine.  One of the people that joined us didn’t even recognize her.  The man had grown a crazy beard – or a beard that made him look crazy, but both of them acted fine but the others that joined us were drunk and agitated.  I was one of these people a year ago, only I had my own brand of alcoholism.

About 3 weeks later, I saw my girlfriend looking at space for her business.  Her hair was matted and she didn’t smell as though she had showered in awhile.  She was wearing the same clothes I had seen many times and the last time I had seen her at lunch.  She was trying to act fine, like everything was okay. The people showing her the space seemed to be aware something just “wasn’t right.” I made polite conversation, continued on my way.

What More Can I Say?

I wait, hope and pray that she will decide she doesn’t need to fight this battle alone.  I know I couldn’t.

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