It All May Come Down to TRUST

Today I am asking myself, “What is the difference between procrastination and practicing the Third Step?”

When I was drinking I made a lot of snap decisions.  Many of those I am still living with today.  Some of them have worked out ok and some of them, out of obligation I stick with not knowing what “the next right thing” may be.  When it involves other people I have a hard time letting go.

Writing

Last weekend someone I know, (that is not in the program and I am not all that close to) , had a book signing party.  I got an invite through Facebook and decided, “Why not?  Let’s do something different.”  So I went.  It was at a bar, but there were plenty of people drinking coffee and by no means did I feel pressure to drink

I told her I would go. It was hardly a mob scene.  I am glad I went for a lot of reasons.  Since I started this recovery process I have been pretty strict on myself when it comes to “showing up” to places that I had committed to going.  While I was out drinking, especially near the end, sometimes I was unable to go to things or I refused to commit to things because I didn’t trust myself.

Even tho I didn’t know the author well, I went and I could have just blown it off and probably no one (but me), would have noticed.  But I felt like I was supposed to be there.

What’s Next?

To say that my whole persona has changed since the 866 days that I started this “adventure in recovery”  would be an understatement. I am finding lots of joy in doing things I did before booze put me and my life in the headlock.   I started writing this blog because I felt like I needed to do something with the thoughts in my head that I needed to sort out.  And there seems to be some magic that happens while I am pouring my thoughts out on paper.

Commitment

As you can see by the dates of the blog, I have shown little commitment to writing for the art of it and for the practice that it gives me, much less pure discipline.  In the meantime, I write all kinds of content for OTHER people and yet none for myself.  My company benefits from it, but I don’t.  Why don’t I trust myself to be a writer?

Third Step Prayer

I am and have been “handing it over” daily for many months.  But I have a hard time knowing if my Higher Power is directing me or if I am manipulating things in some way.  Am I doing something because that is what I want and not what my HP wants?  How do I know?  I haven’t ever been a bolt of lightning sort of person, but I am not sure that I know the difference between procrastination and trusting in m Higher Power.

Anyone else out there feel that way?

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