Loving the CrossFIRE

I often go to a meeting on Sunday night at 5:00pm in the next town.   Last night, I was thinking I wasn’t going to go, then my Sponsor texted me and asked if I wanted to ride with her to that meeting.  (She hardly ever goes to that meeting.)  I took that as a sign, when my Sponsor asks me to go to a meeting with her, I go.

Quiet Ride

This particular meeting is about 25 minutes from my house.  I usually drive alone and I have time to listen to Public Radio on the way and again on the way home. Riding with my sponsor meant, she drove and we talked the whole way.  She shared with me a situation she was dealing with and I could feel the anxiety she was feeling. The meeting was a good one but as we talked on the way home, she was getting pretty wound up – I could see she was applying her “situation” anxiety to some of her existing feelings of some of the folks at the meeting.

By the time I got out of her car, I was jumping out of my skin.  She apologized for getting so jazzed and thanked me for being her sounding board.  Once I got into the house, a football game was wrapping up and our favorite team was bringing it down to the wire, behind by a field goal.  WHAM!  I felt that when I walked into the house.

Agitation

For the rest of the evening, I was agitated.  What I should have done was take a bath or something else relaxing, I just couldn’t.  Instead, my OWN anxiety started churning about work on Monday and our Staff Meeting Monday afternoon.  I tried to meditate before bed and I did sit, but my mind was still racing.  There is a lot of things up in the air with my job and Sunday nights and Monday mornings have managed to become anxiety machines in their own right.  Taking on my Sponsor’s battles (which she never asked me to do), was a bad idea. The funny thing is, I made all these choices, I did all of it, knowing it was going on and I just chose to let it keep on going.  I mean this is stuff that makes me drink and I need to look at this seriously.  So here I am spilling my guts to you guys, understanding now – it’s Monday.  Thanks for listening.

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