As I frequently mention, I am not a Doctor, a social worker or a counselor of any sort. My trainer was called “LIFE.” Mine. Experiences are mine and shared experiences with others. When I share on this blog it is merely an attempt to sort out things happening with me in hopes that someone reading may connect and find comfort. The daily journey with our disease is unique to each of us. I find that knowing I am not in this fight alone, it is more possible and my “daily reprieve” lets me live a life without being consumed with the thoughts of wanting that drink.
Here Come Those Tears Again…
Early in Recovery, it seemed that I would cry at the drop of a hat. When I started meditating in a class of non-alcoholics in the prolonged silence the tears would stream down my cheeks. And in that silence, I was thawing out. I was thawing out in safety and that needed to happen. All those years of “stuffing” bubbled up and when there was no alcohol to “soothe” them, they just flowed freely. I survived and it was not a bad thing.
I find now that I need to be keenly aware of what some people call “triggers.” Personally, I am not a person that is “triggered” by one thing inasmuch as I am a “cup runneth over” type. Controlling those things that fill my cup, the good and the bad is critical to the “Happy, Joyous and Free” factor of my life.
As I write this today, I write in silence. No background noise except the occasional dog bark, cars going by outside my window. I don’t have the music on. Most of the time I do have music playing and I select the type of music based on how I feel that day. I was up and doing a radio show before 6am which is fun and exciting for me, lots of switching gears and interaction. By 8:30 I am getting into my “real job” and I can feel the effects of “over-stimulation.” (All the coffee doesn’t help either.)
What Does This Mean?
Now that I am in Recovery and sober I feel things. After a couple years, I am beginning to be comfortable with those feelings. Rather than dulling those feelings with booze, I try to manage them with the sounds, smells, and visuals in my workspace. By doing this, I am not only allowing more serenity in but not being snappy or sarcastic with others around me. A smart-ass comeback isn’t always funny, especially when I am reacting to something rather than responding thoughtfully.
If you are early in Recovery, take a look at your environment around you. What things can you control? Music or talk on the radio, the places I go before and after an appointment (quiet and calm or busy and loud) even the aromas around me, seem to help me manage my day. I never knew it could be that easy, but then again I never bothered to notice because I was drinking it all away.
How about you?