First, I would like to thank you if you are reading this blog. Second, for those of you that read it often, I am humbled and really grateful. If this is your first time reading or haven’t checked in lately (that’s okay sometimes I don’t either!) This post is the 3rd and final in a series. Here is a link to the others.
It Takes A Village
It may be just the meetings I attend and the area that I attend them in, but it feels like alcoholics come in a couple of flavors:
- Those “bullies,” take control, push their agenda, make sure people hear them. They have arrived, they fix everything.
- Then there is the other type that works in a more stealthy way. Their agenda is more secret. They have a tendency to try and smooth things over, be the peacekeeper and the people pleasers.
Often each type feeds off the other. The Active Alcoholic Bully goes in and wrecks the place, the People Pleaser goes in and cleans up the place. There can be resentment on both sides and with alcoholics there usually is.
When people (mainly my Mother), would mention “You are just like your father!” It wasn’t always a good thing. When I am drinking, I have a quick draw tongue that is lethal.
When I was young as I mentioned in my previous posts, I would hide, not be around, manipulate my way around my alcoholic father. (This is my observation, not his.)
And when I got older and seemed to earn my stripes with the old Man, I refused to let him hurt me or anyone around me without a verbal bitch slapping. They were always quick for me, the words came out of nowhere, we would make eye contact and I would be the victor. The baton had been passed.
For years, I must have blamed myself for my parents divorce. It seems so clear to me now. Doing the Steps and now trying to live them, has put a new perspective into how I saw things as a child and how those things shaped me as an adult.
“It’s Not All Your Fault”
The Landmark – Spirit whispering into my ear TWICE made me realize that I am not responsible for my dog dying, my parents divorce and so many other things (I have listed them in a journal actually.) Now sure, some of it I played some role in, however, I cannot fix anyone but ME. It is not my fault, I am not the center of the universe, SHIT HAPPENS!!
Life Lessons in sobriety are amazing, I need to let my Higher Power do the work, pretty sure that was the message that was given in my ear in those two instances.
Thanks for listening. Now I think I need a nap.