The Handyman Has QUIT

A lot of Recovery work for me has pointed out a bunch of self sabotage tactics that were in my daily life.  Things I reacted to, drank over, meddled in – sure, tried to FIX.

Peace Maker

In these past 3+ years, I have learned that I honestly don’t like conflict. Looking over past situations however, I have put myself in the middle of it and tried to get everyone to get along.  Only now I know, I cannot FIX anyone, nor is it my business to do it.  I am still in the “fallout” zone of poor decisions I made while I was drinking.  Some things I have changed, but it hasn’t been the time to change it all.  Through lots of chats with HP, I still need to keep on the path that the light has been shone on.  Meaning – I would love to walk away from some situations because they piss me off.  The people piss me off.  The interactions are not healthy.  I would have done that if I was drinking.  Everything is different today.

“It’s Not My Business”

How I hate hearing that.  How I hate saying that.  I am not a fighter.  So as I recite the Third Step Prayer for the “um-teenth” time today, I have to remember that it is not my hammerfight. For years I put myself in the middle of the fight, the disagreement, so it is understandable that these opportunities are natural for others to say, “Well, so and so … and so and so…” I was always the “negotiator.”  But not today. I needed to walk away, take a breath and just say, “You really need to tell them how you are feeling directly.” Certainly, it is easier for a person to sound off at me, I don’t fight back.  I don’t know the details because (drum roll…..IT IS NOT MY BUSINESS!!  I AM NOT INVOLVED!!!)

GLUE

For years I have been the glue that has kept things together.  I am by no means a hero, in fact I probably enabled this to go on longer than it should have or piled on and never dealt with in the first place.  My involvement wasn’t healthy for anyone-especially myself.  And with some non-drinking time under my belt, I can see it more clearly.

It really all – ALL is in my HP’s hands.  It is just a hard habit to break-but WOW it blows me away when POW!  It is all so obvious.  Handing it over….

 

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