Last post I wrote about finding something good in something that was a pain in the a$$, something that freaked me out a little. It put a whole new meaning on Pollyanna’s GLAD GAME. Last week I was able to do it.
As I also mentioned last week, things have been upside down in my life lately. There is an old situation, pre-Recovery that I am still in that needs changing – it’s big. I keep on tossing it over the fence to my Higher Power, God or whomever. I am doing the footwork on my end to be ready for a change, to actually BE THE CHANGE. It is not going as smoothly or as quickly as I would like. Then I have had some very scary eye problems. Completely out of the blue. And I have a dog with a similar condition that is needing treatment. And there is my old dog that is getting older and lamer. All this is costing $$. SO there is that. Yeah I am whining.
This week, we had 2 people that we all love in the community lose their battles with cancer. Another friend in the fellowship – I should call her my Sponsor – (she is the woman I call because my Sponsor notified me after we finished the Steps that I didn’t need to call her anymore.) Her husband died unexpectedly. He is in our fellowship too. We all love him and them. Now he is gone. She is devastated.
I do have so many things to be thankful for…
I really do have many things to be grateful for and I really am truly grateful for them. I am just feeling really fearful, sad,overwhelmed. I have no inkling to drink but I feel $hitty. I am sober. We had an Alca-thon in our area to which I participated at all hours of the day and night. I have been to many, many meetings. And it goes on that I will have 2 meetings in by the end of the day. My Mom came to spend Thanksgiving and we had a good time. She is now home safely. Her puppies that are normally banshees were really well behaved. I have a roof over my head. I am grateful.
But I am living in Fear. It all comes down to that. Fear is Faith turned inside out someone said in a meeting once, I feel inside out.