Last Thursday I got a text from my brother. May not sound like a big deal, my brother and I get along, we are not close and usually contact doesn’t mean good news.
The text said “Did you hear about Dick – Less?” (insert real name here). I texted back (after a gulp) “No.” (Dick-Less is the man that I wrote about back in 2014– he raped me. Part II, Part III.) My brother texted back, “He died unexpectedly in his sleep.” My immediate reaction was, “Thanks A$$hole, when people usually die in their sleep, it isn’t expected.” Of course I didn’t bother to text that back, instead I texted, “Too Bad.” Then I asked, “How did you hear?”
As it Unfolded
My brother has his own issues. I told him at the time I was raped by his friend (and my first boyfriend), back in the 80’s. He pretended that he didn’t remember that situation even tho he was around when it happened. So after he told me he had read about it on Facebook, I said, “Oh.” He said, ” I haven’t heard any word from him since 1979?” I got pissed. Texted back, “I hate the man I am glad that he is dead.” He said, “Yeah, I thought as much. I spent a lot of time debating whether to tell you or not.”
When I did Step 4, I dumped it all out there and my Sponsor was great. She suggested that I just put his name aside and let things ride, see how I felt. I never saw the guy and as outlined in that blog post, my making amends was a real “motive” check as to why I would do it or not do it. I hadn’t sorted it out – all my other amends have been made and honestly I hadn’t decided what to do about him.
There were people on my “HELL NO” List that I claimed I would never make amends to and yet in every case (except this one) I made the amends without even thinking about it. I mean my words came tumbling out and were heartfelt. Each one of the amends I made were good experiences, people were receptive. Settling ones. Almost like folding up a shirt that just came out of the laundry and putting it away. And “One Day At A Time,” I try to LIVE my amends. That seems most effective.
So this guy is dead. “Unexpectedly in his sleep.” Still think this is total irony. (I have an alibi – I swear. He is not worth the whiskey or the jail time.) I do feel for his family. Death is sad for them in this situation.
Oh yeah, they are back. I am confused, sad, mad -almost like I was 16 all over again. Since
I don’t know what to do, I am going to another meeting. Perhaps “HP” has decided what to do about it for me.