What Happened When I Began to Meditate…I was Miserable

Today, I was in our Sunday 12 & 12 Meeting. It was time to read Step 11. If you have read the 12 & 12 you may be familiar with what the pretty long reading is about.

Step 11

2016-09-11-13-14-45 Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand Him, praying for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Personally, I don’t split hairs about a Higher Power in General. As many times as I walked around my car wondering how I got home, woke up in my bed, wondering how I got there, it was clear to me that I was not in charge of my own life for a very long time.  As Step 11 and much of AA Literature goes, I am not concerned that people say GOD or HE or HIM.  I am just pretty grateful something somewhere gave two shits about me when I didn’t give one shit about myself.  That’s my  “Keeping it Simple” way of thinking.


There are several paragraphs that discuss Meditation.  I would consider myself a regular meditator.  Meditation came along for me about 6 months into AA.  I tried, I couldn’t sit. When I would sit, I would find myself with such negative thoughts, wanting to climb out of my skin- I figured I was just a person that couldn’t do it.

MBSR  (Mindfulness Stress Reduction)

I took a class (MBSR).  I read a book called  Full Catastrophe Living  by Jon-Kabat Zinn. It changed everything.  I learned that it was a struggle for everyone in the room to SIT there and breathe-do nothing.  The feeling in the room was similar to an AA Meeting even though it wasn’t.  People in a room with a common purpose. Each of us came there with our own reason to Meditate, our search for a solution.

The first days and weeks of Mediation are like the first 90 days of sobriety. THEY SUCK. Meditation is a like a mental detox.  Not every day is completely horrible.  But just like going to meetings, calling my Sponsor and working the Steps, it’s work.  And after a while I started to see results.  I feel calmer, I respond rather than react.  I can detach from situations.  I have perspective.  I believe that Meditation enhanced my program so I still do it. It is part of my life today.  My journey to the Happy, Joyous and Free Chapter of my life.

Who knew?